Ah, the Internet Dating Profile.....

I've been single for about 4 years now.  Like so many people in this day and age, I've resorted to internet dating.  I've met some interesting people there.  Been out on a few dates.  Nothing has ever really gone anywhere, but, hey, it's something to do, and just another way of meeting people.  A conversation recently with a guy who didn't want to actually make the effort to put up a profile - partially because "I'm a private person" - prompted me to write this on my profile blog.  I was kind of pleased with it, so, I thought I'd share it here as well.  Who knows?  Maybe some of you are also on dating sites and something here might make sense/help.  

 I've seen a lot of internet dating profiles.  Some well done, some not so well done, and some completely useless.  

I am speaking mostly of guys profiles here since I very rarely look at other girls profiles.  These are just observations I have made in the course of my internet dating experiences - things that frustrate me about the profiles I come across. *laugh*  

Pictures:  Pictures are probably the most important thing on your profile.  When doing a search, a good main picture is going to be the difference between whether or not I actually view a profile.  My room mate and I are both on dating sites, and we are both shocked at what a lot of guys think is appropriate to put up as a picture on a DATING site.  We've been trying to figure out how to start a business to take dating site specific pictures for people. *laugh*

Seriously, have a GOOD picture of your face.  IN FOCUS.  If, from your picture, I wouldn't be able to recognize you on the street, I'm not interested.  If you feel you can't post a picture that clearly shows YOU, I have to assume you're hiding something.  What?  Like it or not, physical attraction MATTERS.  If I don't see something in your main pic I like, I am NOT going to be interested enough to check out your profile.  This may seem shallow, but, ya know, I've been rejected by guys purely based on my photos.  I accept that not every one will find me attractive - no matter how much we may seem to have in common, no matter how high our match percentage is.  It is what it is, and far better you know that from my picture than investing time getting to know me, arranging to meet, and finding out you just aren't attracted to me.

Have a few different kinds of pics.  Yes, a head shot is good, and really, I think everyone should have one, but, also have a full body shot.  Please, don't post something that looks like a mug shot. Have a picture or two of you in casual settings - doing something you enjoy.  Pictures that give a glimpse into your personality.  Candid pictures are good.  Drunk pictures are not. *laugh*

Do NOT - and I cannot stress this nearly enough - DO NOT have pictures of yourself with attractive women in situations that look like you're romantically involved with her.  This is a DATING site for goodness sake!  The idea is to meet someone you would want to date.  It's one thing to have a picture with you and a group of friends (including female friends) or you and your sister (and, be SURE you caption the picture to indicate she's your sister!), it's quite another to have a picture of you and some random girl - or worse, GIRLS - hanging on you.  Makes you look like a player.  You're trying to sell yourself as a desirable, eligible bachelor.

In this day and age, with the low cost of digital cameras and the accessibility of cell phones with pretty darned decent cameras, pictures are EASY to get and upload.  It's also a good idea to have a basic photo editing program (I use Picasa, which is a free download, VERY basic, but fixes the things I need fixed) and be able to do basic photo editing - cropping, rotating (there is NO excuse for an upside down or sideways picture!) color balancing, red eye removal, etc.  

Profile essays: Oy, gawd!  I come across so many "empty" profiles and profiles that start out "I hate talking about myself..." or "I'll fill this in later..."  Come ON!  You are here to MEET people!  You are here to find someone you have common interests with.  SELL YOURSELF.  I don't mean be cocky and braggy, but, how hard is it to say what you're doing with your life?  A sentence or two about the kind of work you do?  What you ultimately want to be doing with your life?  What you're interested in?  What you want to do on a date?  The kind of girl you'd like to meet?

You're picture is going to get my attention what you SAY - or don't - is going to hold my attention.  Or not.  Your profile essay is the main difference between whether I feel I want to get to know you better or not - whether I will message you or not.  You don't have to write a book.  You don't have to reveal every single personal detail of your life, but, if I see that we like the same movies, or music, or food, or...whatever...that gives me an opening. 

Personally, I want to know that I have something in common with someone. If I come across a profile that is empty, but the pic shows a guy who is TOTALLY my physical type, I won't message him. I have no idea what I would say to him that might interest him enough to respond. Just telling him I think he's attractive is meaningless, and probably what he hears from every girl who messages him. How does that make me stand out? If someone messages me and only says "Hi, how are you?" it really doesn't interest me if I go and see that he hasn't put in the effort to write a profile. I want to know we'll have something to talk about beside "You're hot." And, believe me, I get my share of guys who can't get past that. Think about it - if all I had was a picture, what would you know about me other than whether or not you find me attractive? How is that a good starting point? I want to know SOMETHING about the person I'm talking to.

Bottom line, like it or not, being on a dating site is about SELLING YOURSELF.  You have to view yourself as a product.  What is it about YOU that is going to make you desirable to the kind of person you want to attract?  What do you have to OFFER.  Now, review your profile.  Think about what makes you YOU, and figure out how to write about it in an interesting way.

Good luck to everyone in finding what you're looking for!